A diminutive and seductive Throbbit has been entrusted with the task of destroying the all-powerful G-String that can grant its possessor untold powers. It falls into that bad niche of soft-core porn where the sex doesn't involve much sex but the story is still close to non-existant. If the sex scenes had been hotter, or a lot shorter, the movie would have been suddenly and dramatically improved. As it was, the male-female sex scenes weren't that bad; the intercourse was obviously simulated, but they still looked like they were enjoying themselves. The girl-girl (or in most cases girl-girl-girl-girl-and more girls) scenes were what really detracted from it. The kissing wasn't realistic. There was a lot of nipple licking, but the kind that looks good for the camera but might not actually be touching the nipple. There was a lot of boob grabbing. A lot of it. There was also a fair amount of simulated cunnilingus. Very obviously simulated cunnilingus. Is there some rule about cunnilingus in soft-core porn that says you have to be able to tell they're faking it? Or maybe it wasn't fake cunnilingus, maybe all of the female stars just had that unusual condition where their clit is located in their navel or upper thigh. I was also really perplexed by why they kept undulating at each other and rubbing their breasts on each others' backs. Bottom line: Even if they weren't going to show any genitals, there are thousands of ways to fake genital contact better than they did. If lots and lots of boob grabbing does it for you, this is your movie.<br/><br/>As for the story, it was a pretty good spoof. There were LotR references aplenty and it followed a similar plotline. The writing was…not stellar, but not painful either. Some of the humor was really juvenile, but for the most part the story was solid. The problem was that the story wasn't really supported by the actors. The acting was better than most porn I've seen, but not good enough for a bad B movie. The part that made this really sad was that you could tell from some parts of the movie and the "making of" interviews that most of the actors could have done a lot better. Some scenes had pretty decent acting. The same girl would bomb the next scene. Its not that they don't have the talent, it's that they weren't pushed to do a good job or just didn't get enough takes. The poor acting was especially apparent in the fight scenes. They had a combat coach, they were doing all the moves, bu they looked really bored. My theory, based on all of the discussion in the "making of" about how much they spent to shoot it on film, is that they couldn't afford more than one or two takes of most scenes. A pity.<br/><br/>The special effects… Oh dear but the special effects were funny. I can't decide if I was entertained enough by their poor quality that I'm glad they put them in or if they should just have left them out. The most entertaining part was the computer generated 3-D map of the Shire. It showed a 1st person view of you zooming through it to let you know where the next scene was set. The graphics were on par with a cheap 1996 computer game. It would have been MUCH more aesthetically pleasing to have just panned along a well-drawn map.<br/><br/>The good parts. Misty Mundae (the leading lady who plays Dildo Saggins) is gorgeous. Everyone else in the cast that gets naked is really attractive too - even the boys. There is one really unfortunate boob job, but otherwise the cast is just amazing to look at. Yum. If Misty Mundae has been in any more hard-core stuff, I want to see it. The trailers for her other movies, and her website, show that she has been in a truly amazing amount of porn since her 18th birthday, much of it kinky. So, I am in luck.<br/><br/>Overall, I was amused, but the movie doesn't really cut it as porn, and doesn't really cut it as a movie. If they'd improved one or both facets by a little they could've really had something. In yet another Seduction Cinema soft-core parody, Dildo Baggins (Misty Mundae, because she can NEVER not be in a Seduction Cinema movie *rolls eyes*) along with fellow Throbbit lesbian lovers, Horny and Spam go off to destroy the evil G-string, after drunk perverted Smirnof, the Wizard presents that quest to them. Wackiness, in the form of dumb jokes, unerotic sex, and more dumb puns, ensues. Terry West will never be confused with Orsen Wells, hell, he'll never get confused with Lloyd Kaufman even, but this "Lord of the Rings" parody is still his clear best, and yes I know that's a bit of a back-handed compliment. I chuckled a few times, but groaned more and not in the good way.<br/><br/>My Grade: D+ <br/><br/>DVD Extras: almost hour long documentary; 37 minute Behind the scenes featurette; a lame music video; and the usual Seduction Cinema trailers <br/><br/>Eye Candy: everyone gets fully nude multiple times<br/><br/>Easter Eggs: highlight the tree for more behind the scenes footage; highlight the head for an interview with John Link
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